“Don't let those bedbugs bite”

Posted: 11 Sep 2010 07:46 AM PDT

Posted By IAN GILLESPIE

Posted 7 hours ago

OK, I want everyone to sit down, stop screaming and quit freaking out about bedbugs.

(If you don't stop sobbing, sir, you'll be asked to leave the room.) That's better.

Now, as you probably know, North America is apparently being raided, invaded and inundated by bloodsucking bedbugs. Please note that I wrote "apparently." Because frankly, I'm suspicious. Is this really an entomological emergency?

It's true that, in recent weeks, fearful stories about a bedbug plague have been circulated by prestigious publications like Scientific American and the New York Times.

According to Google, general searches for "bedbugs" (I mean the word, not the critters.) have increased 83% in the past year. In the past four weeks, Google searches for bedbugs have swelled 182% compared to the same period last year.

And there's even a website ( bedbugregistry.com)that displays a map representing a database of more than 20,000 user-submitted bedbug reports in the U.S. and Canada.

But I refuse to succumb to unfounded hysteria. (If I'm going to start screaming like a little girl, it had better be legitimate.).

So I call Lorne Chadnick, who runs an Ottawa-based company called Rest Assured MC Inc. Two years ago, Chadnick started selling stuff to battle bedbugs -- stuff like traps, mattress covers and a liquid CO2 spray called Cryonite that freezes the little critters.

I suggest to Chadnick that all this hype is overblown, because bedbugs aren't really dangerous.

"Well, they're not going to kill you," he admits.

Ah ha! So you're saying bedbugs are harmless?

"I wouldn't say that," he says. "They cause a lot of mental stress." Mental stress? Like my wife and kids?

"If you think about going to bed at night and then, at three or four in the morning, these little creatures are going to be crawling out and biting you, it's not easy to sleep," says Chadnick.

I can see how that would be distracting. But they're just itsy-bitsy bugs, right?

"They can become really nasty," says Chadnick. "I've seen places where there were thousands of bedbugs."

Thousands? "Yeah, you lift up a mattress and hundreds of them will be stirring around." But isn't it nearly impossible for somebody like me -- somebody who regularly bathes and usually avoids lying in dirt -- to get bedbugs?

"No, it's very easy," says Chadnick. "You can get them from hotels, from taxis and buses and movie theatres. Anyone coming to stay at your house can have bedbugs. Offices have bedbugs." Oh. (I work in an office.)

"I've gotten calls from a very large retailer in the U.S., because their stores are starting to have bedbugs. So if retail stores are having them, they're everywhere."

So what do you do when you check into a hotel room?

"I pull the sheets, pull the headboard and look for little black spots." Bedbugs?

"No, bedbug fecal matter." Huh? "Bedbug poo." I see.

"I also travel with a little flashlight so I can see them better." Any other advice?

"Hope. And pray you don't bring them home." This sounds serious. But you're so happy.

"Well," says Chadnick. "Business is very, very good." OK folks: Resume screaming.

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Bedbugs Bite

Saturday, September 11, 2010